Emotional dysregulation in children

As a parent, teacher or carer, you may wonder at times why it is harder for children to regulate their emotions. A child may become emotionally dysregulated if they are triggered or feel overwhelmed and reactions can vary widely due to a number of reasons from being tired or hungry, or biological factors, early life experiences, chronic stress, developmental or learning difficulties or other mental health conditions such as ADHD, Autism and Anxiety (just to name a few).

On top of this, the brain is still in early stages of development. Thanks to neuroscience we have a better understanding of the most complex organ of our body, the brain. Let’s have a look at the brain in 3 parts:

• The “thinking brain” is the cognitive part of the brain responsible for executive functions (such as making decisions, controlling impulses and problem solving), rational thought, language and self regulation. It is also the last part of the brain to develop. Research has shown that it does not fully develop until an adult reaches mid-20’s or sometimes 30 years of age.

• The “limbic brain” (or the middle brain) which is the emotional nervous system that is responsible for controlling emotions, memories and behaviours. This is also where your amygdala lives.

• The brainstem also known as the “reptilian brain” is the more primitive part of the brain. It’s responsible for automatic survival functions (such as regulating heart rate, and the fight-or-flight response). This is the part of the brain that kicks in when you are in danger or perceive a threat. The body reacts to the trigger rather than rationally response to it.

Depending on the situation, it can be challenging to regulate our emotions. Since a young person’s brain has not fully developed, they would therefore require more guidance to engage their “limbic brain” and “thinking brain” to help them self-regulate and make meaning of their experience. You may have heard the term “amygdala hijack” when something like a meltdown occurs (or when one experiences road rage). This occurs when a strong emotion takes over due to a perceived threat and the “thinking brain” becomes less activated and the fight-or-flight response becomes more activated. To switch our “thinking brain” back on (so that we can make more thoughtful responses) it’s helpful to try and bring the brain back to a calm state.

During times of distress, it can also be triggering for the adult to manage uncomfortable or big emotions of a child. Often it may be an automatic response to say things like “it’s okay, there’s nothing to be afraid of” or “stop crying” instead of helping them sit with their big emotions. Using language to help the child recognise the emotion helps them to develop awareness and process these big feelings (“Name it to tame it”). Most children do not have the language and cognitive skills to effectively communicate their needs (and particularly so if they are neurodivergent or have learning difficulties). Naming the emotion can help the child to feel heard and validated and talking it through can assist them in realising why they may feel those big emotions. Scaffolding structure and meaning to help tame the uncertainty, chaos and confusion that they experience.

An adult using a calm response creates a sense of safety and acceptance which can then help to reduce their fight-or-flight response. If the child is still in a heightened state then it may be best to talk through the experience when they have returned to a calmer state because it becomes counterproductive to reason with them while they are still in fight-or-flight mode and disengaged from their logical “thinking brain” (especially as it will also test your own patience!)

Strategies to help create calm:

• Mindful breathing

• Listening to calming music

• Taking a moment (counting slowly to 10)

• Using a stress ball or fidget toy

• Building emotional awareness, recognising physical sensations and signs in your body

• Having a safe and quiet space to go to

• Psychoeducation - having a better understanding of how the brain and body works

Other helpful resources:

• The Whole Brain Child - Dr Dan Siegel https://drdansiegel.com/book/the-whole-brain-child/

• Raising Children - Australian Parenting Website

  https://raisingchildren.net.au

• Sue Markey - Special Education Educator

  https://suelarkey.com.au